by Jay Malonson
Alright, I'll admit it. I'm not quite ready for the PGA tour. I'm not the best golfer in the world. That said, I'm not the worst either. I have rounds where I can drive straight and long but routinely flub any and all 15 foot chips. I quite often scramble to the greens, but that will be counteracted by a putter that runs so hot, it should burst into flames after I walk off the 18th green. I have rounds where everything inside 100 yards is a complete crapshoot, but I hit the fairway woods as crisp as a Ryder Cupper. Some days, everything works, and other days, nothing works. Ah, the joys of golf.
I joined Twin Shields Golf Club, in Dunkirk, MD this year, my first experience with prepaid golf. Shooting in the 105-115 range on this tricky par 70 course was not out of the question when I started. My lowest score ever, before this summer, was an 83. I play 4 times a week (weekday afternoons) and over the course of the year my scores have progressively dropped. I will now usually card scores that hover in the low to mid 80s. Peppered in there are a few 91's and the rare sub-80 round. The zone? I've heard about it, flirted with it, but I haven't been there.
The tips!
1st tip. Don't take any mulligans
If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.
—Paul Gallico (1897–1976)
Keep your proper score. You'll never be able to judge how good you're getting (or how poorly you're playing) if you hit that nice new Nike One Platinum into the woods, and nonchalantly tee another one up without assessing yourself a penalty. I can't tell you how many times I've stood on the tee box of the sixth hole of my club, a 526 yard par 5 (from the middle tees) watched good players, who have had decent starts of rounds do just that. They'll go on as though the shot never happened, carding a six even though it should be an 8. Don't get me wrong, the snowman is no friend of mine, trust me, I know him well enough. But, if he's at the door, you are obligated to let him in. Don't forget, there are other people who watched you take your six shots and understand that re-teeing means you're shooting 3. It makes us uncomfortable when you announce with all that enthusiasm that you got a 6.
2nd tip Tee your ball lower
Got a big 460cc driver? You've probably got a pocket in you golf bag full of those ridiculously long 4 inch tees as well. Teeing the ball just a tad lower by using a smaller old school tee has helped me gain a small semblance of control of my tee shot, but that may or may not work for you. I hit a Titleist 905R with 9.5 degrees of loft, and for the first month I had it, I teed my ball up really high, and found myself reaching for my three wood after by that fifth hole that I mentioned in the 1st tip. Why? My driver swing is the same as my 5 wood swing, meaning I tend to sweep through the ball just above or at ground level, not catch it on the up part of my follow through. I was popping a lot o f balls up, and worse than that, I was pushing (slicing) them as well. By pushing my tee further in, I'm making better contact with the center of the clubface. Not all clubfaces are the same however; the 905R is a little shorter than my old driver, the Titleist 983E with 8.5 degrees of loft.
3rd tip Settle on a ball
Pick one golf ball and stick with it. Consistency is what every golfer strives for. It's impossible to gain any consistency if you're playing different golf balls with different dimple patterns and different compressions. Give yourself any edge you can find and stick with one brand and type of ball throughout your round. Try this the next time you're out, take all of those mismatched balls out of your bag at your car. Put all but one of them in the trunk, keeping one in your pocket. Buy yourself 6 balls of the same type (different than the one in your pocket) at your Pro Shop (or a dozen if you lose a lot of balls, or have particularly sharp cart paths), mark them all with a Sharpie, so you know they're yours, personally, I put a "J" over the number. Before your round begins, putt with the new balls. Give yourself a good 10 minutes with them. Ingrain the "feel" of the ball in your putting stroke. Now take the old ball out of your pocket and try that. You will notice a difference.
Einstein is not ... merely an artist in his moments of leisure and play, as a great statesman may play golf or a great soldier grow orchids. He retains the same attitude in the whole of his work. He traces science to its roots in emotion, which is exactly where art is also rooted.
—Havelock Ellis (1859–1939)
4th tip Have someone else keep score
If you are looking down at that scorecard with sixes, sevens, and the occasional par thrown in just for laughs, every time you get behind the wheel of the cart throughout the entire round, only negative things can happen. By not thinking about score you tend to forget it. Let someone else in your group take the card. Golf works much better for me if I turn my brain off.
5th tip Be a guy (or girl) that everyone wants to play with
I am the most laid back person you're ever going to run into on a golf course. Don't take this as a lack of fire or drive; I want to hit a perfect shot every time, but I just run better if I'm in a good mood. I have a lot of people at my club who seek me out to play with because of this quality. I just act like a person that people want to be around. There's nothing worse for your golf game than getting overly upset over a botched tee shot or a missed 4 footer for par. There's nothing worse for your playing partners than seeing you dropping F bombs all up and down the peaceful friendly confines of your local muni and tossing your 6 iron into a lake after you hit a shot a little fat. Breathe deeper and just relax. It's good to be competitive. It's not good to be someone who is so hard on yourself that you lose your mind over a muffed shot.
Get a grip, and play your next shot. Bad things happen to everyone. Get over it, and act like an adult. I had a run in with a club flinger, and I really was taken aback. I just started laughing, mostly because I didn't know what else to do. The second time it happened, well the laughter was a bit more subdued. By the third club chuck, I asked him what his deal was, without being overtly confrontational. Not easy to do. I told him that I paid my $40 to be there, and I wasn't having a great time, all of it due to him. It's not stomach cancer. It's golf. I wouldn't recommend this tact with someone you don't know that's been chugging Bud Light like it's lemonade, but if you know the person you might try this strategy to calm them down, and maybe you can enjoy your round, or what is left of it. The key is to be friendly, and then , of course, hit your next shot straight. Jay M is a 15 handicapper and has websites devoted to various types of golf equipment. They can be seen here [http://www.mynikegolf.com] and here [http://www.mytitleist.com].